Let me just start off by saying that my back is killing me right now. I don't know what I did to it today at work, but ouch. If it is still killing me tomorrow when I wake up then I might go to medical and get it checked out. Ok that's out of the way.

Not a lot is going on with me. I work in yet a different place now. I will only be there for less than a month. What a waste. I am getting my last two wisdom teeth removed on Friday. I am cool with that cause I am supposed to have duty that weekend, so now I don't have to go. I think that is pretty sweet. Also I am paintballing a lot lately. It is really fun, but I have a crappy gun. Really it's all I can afford. I'll get a new one when I get to Japan. That is of course if we don't get screwed with per diem a.k.a. extra money when your on "det". If you are confused by any of these terms, just find some former or current military friend and ask them. Anywho, that's about all that's happening here.

Now on to some more important stuff. I'm taking a cue from my good pal Ryan and gonna post some stuff that's going on inside my head. That's really what journal's are for anyhow. So here it goes.

The navy....

I honestly see not a chance in hell that I'll re-enlist. I'm tired of feeling screwed day in and day out. I missed making third class for the third time and why you ask. I could of studied a whole lot more or studied at all true. But I have worked more out of my rate (job) than in it. Let me put it into your language. Let's say you go to college to be a zookeeper, or major in zoology. So when you get out you want to work in a zoo or something like to to work with animals right? Well lets say you get lucky and get a job at OKC Zoo, but instead of using all this knowledge you just got going to college and studying your butt off to get there, they send you to the administrative part of the zoo. So now you're a bookkeeper with a zooology degree. Now I didn't get that much school, but you get the point right? The navy spent all this money on me to learn how to be an Avionics Tech, and instead I've been a delivery boy and a logs and records keeper. Now how much sense does that make? I think none, but what do I know.

Another beef I have is with this whole security clearance fiasco. It took them 2 years to figure out that I couldn't work in my rate until all was finished. I must not be that much of a security risk if it took them two years to figure it out. Security clearances must not be that much of a big deal if it takes them that long to do all clearances. I don't see the big problem here. I indulged a little in high school. Sadly, most people now a days have. I mean for christ's sake people in the navy used to smoke pot during work. They would do all kinds of crap, but oh no, now you smoke a little pot and it's like you got caught conspiring with commies. Now I know I'm exaggerating a bit, but that's what it feels like. I have lost all motivation when it comes to the navy. I used to be all gung-ho navy. But now I hate it. I know the smartest thing to do is stick it out and retire after 20 years, but there is no way after these first 2 and a half years. Well I'm done with this subject moving forward.

Woman.....

Now I don't know if you all know this but in my 21 years of living, I've had one real girlfriend. Even then I'm sure I was just a rebound guy. I am not good with the women. My friends know this, I know this. I'm great with the friendship part. I can make friends like it's nobody's business. But the whole romance thing...I have not a freaking clue. Plus all I've really seen is bad, horrible relationships minus my dad and sister. I see the worst of everything. My parents divorce, my mom's second divorce, the multitude of my friends screwed up relationships. I'm afraid to get like that. I can't stand fighting over nothing, so I don't. That's probably why my first one failed. I had no backbone or initiative. That and I was the worst at finding stuff to do i.e. dates. I would love to fall in love with a great woman and have kids and all that. I'd love to be a dad, but I have to figure out the first part. Now I might be overeating. Most guys would say, "geez you're only 21. Go have fun screwing around, blah blah blah" But I'm not that kind of guy. I don't really know what kind of guy I am, cuz I have nothing to base that off of. Again this is just some crazy crap that goes on inside my head some of the time.

That's about it for now. These things are pretty constant in my head. Just keep me in your prayers. I'm good, I'm not depressed or anything, just dissatisfied with my current situation is all. Also keep my best friend Robby in your prayers also. Most of you know him, but if you don't just know that he is yet another going over to Iraq. He leaves tomorrow(Thursday). He's an engineer so he's not on the front lines or anything, but still. Sorry if I went a little to deep this post. It happens from time to time. Just know that you will get to see me soon, and also some awesome pictures from Japan in the near future. Goodbye for now.